So I have had a very long 36 hours. I mean I have been having a long and stressful few months but the events of the last day or so just iced the cake. There’s no gentle way to say that I went to the hospital and genuinely thought I was having a cardiac crisis. To be fair so did the doctors and nurses. My blood pressure was astronomical. There was a crushing pressure in my chest and searing pain in my back. I spent the evening getting sprays of nitro, doses of morphine and every major test you can think of. I have actually never been more frightened in my whole life…. never. I know that I need to make changes in my life, I know if I want to live to a ripe old age I need to make changes. But last night I was afraid I was never going to get that chance.
I am very grateful to say that the tests indicate I did not have heart attack and there is no clot in my chest. My life, for the moment, is not in danger. I do have a tear in my lower esophagus, which by the way is much lower in your body than your throat, who knew?! The tear was likely caused by an intensely violent vomit. The vomit was caused by gagging on post nasal drip from this damn cold, my second in a month. Yeah, I am finding breaks very hard to catch these days. But I am grateful. My night could have been a whooooole lot worse and I know it. I am uncomfortable and emotionally really messed up but I am taking note of this, I need to change. If the universe isn’t going to give me a break I need to make my own.